A little more about Bullying

My dad has been reading Nineteen Minutes. I passed the book over to him a couple of weeks ago with some reluctance. He is always interested in what I am reading, and we usually share our choices. But I did not know if he would relate to this story, at the age of 95, or whether I wanted to weigh him down with it either. I told him to read the jacket and decide if this was something he wanted to read or not. He was hooked in minutes. He just finished it, and marveled at how Jodi Picoult could have such insight into all the players in the drama. I assured him that she had surely done her homework as far as researching the topic and that her description of a modern high school rang true. I asked him if he remembered bullying from his own school days, expecting to hear a negative response. On the contrary, he did specifically remember two boys that were targeted in his school days. As is often the case today, nothing was really done by teachers or administrators at his small town Texas schools to remedy the situations. Years later, one of these two boys, all grown up, took his own life. Bullying has been around for a very long time.

Mother's Day can be a Lonely Day

On this Mother’s Day, I know I am far from the only mother who is missing her child. In my case, the wish that we could be together is just a tinge, because I know my only daughter is well and happy if a couple thousand miles from the Texas Hill Country where I am visiting my dad. I just talked to her as she relaxed in her back yard in Portland, Oregon. Even better, she will be down for a visit in a week! The moms I think of the most today are those with children far away, whose absences are the source of sadness, worry, and those even permanent loss. In particular I think of all the mother of men and women around the world, serving our country. On this day the sacrifices of mothers, children, and all family members who are apart because of the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq are all the more poignant. I also think of mothers of children lost too soon, and of others whose children are estranged or having trouble finding their ways in this difficult world. This seems like an especially good day to recommend a place for any mothers with children no longer safely under watchful eyes at home.

Emptynestmoms.com is a site I found after my daughter moved away when I did a search for “empty nest” and “mother,” over six years ago. I must admit that, while she had been in college for the previous five years, I had not really felt her absence too strongly because I always knew I would be seeing her soon, and could be there for her in a short time if we needed each other. But the move to Oregon was a challenge. Two time zones away! It seemed so distant and unfamiliar, and she had gone there on as song and a prayer, literally. An aspiring singer/songwriter, she decided after college graduation to go there for the music scene and promise of a fun place to live. Six years later she is happily ensconced, with the proverbial day job, two CD’s, frequent gigs, and two cross country tours behind her. I am enjoying the fact that when I visit her, we are in one of the most beautiful places one could imagine, less than two hours from the coast in one direction and from the Columbia River Gorge in the other.

But making the adjustment was not easy. We drove out together with a U-Haul full of treasures and guitars, gaping out the window at places unfamiliar and exciting. When it came time for me to fly home, I had to face the fact that she was largely alone and very much on her own. The friends she was hooking up with were little more than acquaintances. Would they worry about her like I would if she did not come home at night? Unlikely. In fact, assuredly not. So I went home and worried all the time. This was the me who Googled for empty nest and mother on a lonely night and found a very supportive community of folks who understood exactly what I was feeling, the mothers of EmptyNestMoms.com. Tentatively I ventured forth with an introduction. Pretty soon I was a daily visitor and the group was an important part of my life. As time went by, I became more used to life far away from Emily and established a new routine that did not revolve around her. EmptyNestMoms helped me in this process

Then, about a year later, Emily announced her plans for a coast to coast tour, and my worries rose again. Just how safe was it for three girls in an old Ford Econoline, even if their fourth passenger was a protective Labrador retriever, to drive from Portland, Oregon to New York City and back? Once again I turned to EmptyNestMoms. The daily entries I made there helped ease my uncertainty about the journey of my adventurous daughter and friends. Things reached a critical point, though when (rather predictably), they broke down in Knoxville, TN. Emily called me with the dire news and I turned to the website for advice about auto repair shops and a decent place to stay. Incredibly, one member lived across the freeway from the shop where the kids’ van had been towed. We exchanged phone numbers and I called her to learn that she could look across and see them all sitting on the curb and looking forlorn. By now there were three girls, one guy, and, of course, the dog. This saintly woman offered, no insisted, on taking in the kids! For a long four days she housed and fed them, putting them up in her own flown-away children’s rooms. There were simply no words nor gifts to convey the depths of my gratitude, but somehow I think she knew. Moms are like that.

I have lost track of this wonderful friend, the trip is a distant memory to my daring daughter, and I have continued to improve in the department of letting my fledgling go. But I still like to remember the incredible kindness of this wonderful mom who did for my kid what she would want someone else to do for hers. People who say that the Internet isolates people and breaks down communication are wrong. That may happen for some who are inclined to withdraw anyway, but for me and many others, the Internet has led to wonderful and rewarding new friends.

Finally, a bit about this website: http://www.empynestmoms.com

I am no longer a regular there, but just paid a visit. I noticed the same familiar graphics and heading, but many new and inviting features. These include a regular magazine, opportunities for face to face gatherings, travel advice, publications by members, and many other offerings. There are separate forums for mother whose children are off to college, for those who are newlyweds, and for military moms. There are even forums for dads. If you are missing your almost grown/grown child, or know someone who is going through this unique transition, take a look at this special caring Internet community.

And I cannot conclude without plugging my talented daughter. Her two albums have had many great reviews, she recently completed a second coast to coast tour, on which I joined her for one portion of the trip, and she is busy with future plans. She has a song that has been in the Top Ten on Neil Young’s Living With War Today website for over seven months. Go to http://www.neilyoung.com/lwwtoday/lwwsongspage.html

Look for her song, “Has Country Gone to Hell,” by Emily Herring. There are over 1700 anti-war songs on this site, and competition for the top spots is keen. She can also be found at: http://www.emilyherring.net

And by the way, if you click on her song from the Neil Young site, it counts as a vote for her song. That is what keeps her in the top ten!

In conclusion I would like to thank and remember again all military mothers. My daughter and I join the rest of our immediate family in deploring this misguided war. But we all honor and respect the brave men and women who serve, and their families who pray for safe returns.

Shame on Patricia Cornwall and other tacky peers

I just responded to a post to LM_NET in which a writer was asking if product placement is now finding its greedy way into novels as well as tv shows, movies, etc. The answer is YES and it seems a number of authors of current fiction are picking up a little extra on the side. I Googled for product placement and novels and got a number of hits including this article:
http://www.marketwatch.com/News/Story/Story.aspx?guid=%7BC7B959C1-C8AC-4C0F-AAFA-F38FDD66CEE6%7D&siteid=google&dist=
I understand that an author may put some product details in a book for time/setting/authenticity but c'mon people, we know what is gratuitous.

Sheesh! It upset me so much I had to get a Kleenex to wipe away my tears and grab a few swigs of Diet Coke to get the strength to write this! I may need some Ambien to sleep tonight!

Seriously, the worst epithet my mother could hurl was: THAT'S JUST TACKY. And this, friends, is very, very tacky.

Shamed by my slow postings...

I did post in once last week, but I am not keeping up the pace I would really like. Right now I have been grading, grading papers and projects as my students near the end of term. But I had such big plans! I am going to try for numerous very short postings instead of putting off until I have time to do something longer, or at least in addition to longer posts. My inspiration for this is a wonderful librarian whose blog I just learned about from a student who followed it for an assignment...Donnell (NYC) Library's Children's Librarian blog fusenumber8. As my student pointed out SHE posts nearly EVERY DAY. I went over there and sure enough it is true, and brings shame on my paltry efforts. If you want to check a really super blog, go here:
http://fusenumber8.blogspot.com/

AND I will try to do better. Hey! I already posted twice today!

Wow! Letter to Editor!

I just got a call that a letter I sent to the Editor at the Houston Chronicle will be in tomorrow's paper. Yep, it is political and I must admit, a bit sarcastic. I am surprised they are posting this one but it will be fun! I do get letters in from time to time. I think this is the first one I have even sent this year, and know it is the first to be accepted. Oddly it seems that the ones I labor over the most are the ones that get rejected. Often when I dash something off it seems to meet their approval! Go figure. Since it is a bit more political than I want to be in this forum I am not going to post the text here. Of course it will be online tomorrow at http://www.chron.com

Is America the New Rome?

I remember reading The Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire back in college when I was a history minor. I remember class discussion then about whether America was headed down the same path in terms of eventual decline. This topic resurfaced, as it frequently does, in today's LM_NET discussion. However, the thread was ended before it could be discussed. I contacted Edward Nizalowski, the original poster, and he gave me permission to share his query here and give space here for people to respond. Here is his submission:

"I have seen a variety of opinions expressed over the years comparing
American society and culture to that of the Romans. One of the most
pertinent questions involves whether we will repeat the "decline and
fall" part. I certainly see ourselves in decline, but I'm not ready to
bet money that will be falling apart in the near or distant future.

Cullen Murphy, author of Are We Rome? The Fall of an Empire and
the Fate of America was interviewed in the latest issue of U. S. News
and World Report (May 7th). This exchange was especially perceptive:

You say there was an almost fatal parochialism among the Romans. Are we
in danger of duplicating it?

"I was looking the other day at one of the new Pew Center polls about
'what Americans know.' Americans in general aren't that interested in,
or aware of, the outside world, and increasingly even our elites don't
seem to put much stock in that kind of knowledge either. We don't have
[enough] Arabic speakers; the number of foreign correspondents continues
to shrink. Compared with the Greeks, the Romans were not passionately
interested in the outside world. And they were often taken by surprise.
The great disaster suffered by Varus in Germany in A. D. 9, when three
entire Roman legions were annihilated, stemmed partly from ignorance
about the tribes they were up against." "

Please feel free to share your comments.

School Violence and Bullying

On Monday, April 16, I borrowed a book from a colleague...19 Minutes by Jodi Picoult. I also borrowed an audiobook from another--London Calling by Edward Bloor. That evening I came home and turned on TV to the news of the Virginia Tech shooting. It seemed incredibly ironic to me that I had just been loaned a book about a school shooting, and the recent events were certainly on my mind as I read. Further, listening to London Calling concurrently with reading Picoult's book made me think a great deal about bullies and their victims. Why did the boy in London Calling move out of his depression while Peter in 19 Minutes took tragic action? How can parents help students who are bullied? Actually, if nurturing, caring parents could forestall such a desperate act, then Peter would have had a better chance than Martin. What should teachers and librarians do in response to the school bullying we all have seen? And...one more question, is bullying worse than it was in years past? Frankly, I can remember incidents from my growing-up years that were quite cruel and doubtless very hurtful to the kids who were targeted. When I was in school I was not bullied, but saw it occur as a bystander and as one of those kids who are afraid to speak up for fear of becoming a victim. As a young teacher and later as a school librarian, I did not know how to respond other than make sure the behavior was not allowed in my presence. What can be done to promote healthier climates in schools?